Alice In Wonderland.

I found this today on YouTube, funny thing is that I have never seen it, so I doubted that you did.
Anyway Kitten, I saw it and thought of you. Enjoy it.
much love
Mug xx

The Reason For The Music

I don't know how to tell you what I feel.
Not usually at a loss for words, but then I never had this happen to me before.

I'm afraid to say some things for fear of making things worse than they already.
So because I still feel that I can't speak as freely as I want to, I have decided to use music and poetry.

There isn't a day goes by when you don't occupy my mind.
I have cried so many tears and tried so hard to get my point across to your brother.

Your both so bloody stubborn, so bloody alike.
Neither of you wanting to give way;
And me running around like a headless chick.

How do I know what to do?
Just because I'm Mum, it doesn't mean I have all the answers.

The fact is I see it from both sides and it has to come from you two.
But you both seem to think that if you make the first move, it's like you lost.

Lost what exactly, a stupid fight that went on for a year and didn't get resolved, then culminated in....well you know what happened that day.

I just still don't get how it was my fault.
I was over 400 miles away.
I couldn't have changed anything from where I was.

By the way I have tried and tried and tried to phone you, but you don't pick up and I have given up trying to get through. All i get is it ringing and ringing in my ear.
It's a cold empty sound that chills my very core and I can't cope with the rejection over and over again. It's like rubbing salt in my wounds.

I've said enough for now and am so teary right now, so very emotional, that I need to stop, but only for a while.

I miss you baby girl. I miss your voice, your bumping into things and dropping things,your giggle and your smell.

I love you
Mug xx

I'll Stand By You.

This whole thing is tearing me up.
I'm so sorry I wasn't here, it wouldn't have happened if I had been.

Remember when you went away to Crete, how I wrote this poem in a book for you. Just so you would know how much I loved you. Remember how you couldn't pack your suit case 'cos you wanted take your whole wardrobe with you.
How when you got to Crete and started to unpack how you kept coming across post-it notes that I had written to you and shattered amongst all your clothing.

I wanted you to know that I would be thinking of you all the time.



I love you Kitten.
mug xx

Where Do You Go To My Lovely

Where do you go to my lovely?
I know you Kitten and I know this is hurting you.

Never think that I don't love you.
Mug xx

I Can't Take Sides.

Dear Kitten,

I have seen you twice now since you left home.
Neither time went well and I did hope that once you had calmed down after the first time you would realise how much I love you.

I guess your still mad at me and I get that I really do.
However, both you and Sonshine have put me in a hard place, by placing me between you and expecting me to choose a side.

That's not how motherhood works baby girl.
You should know me better than that by now.
Your both adults, grown people, who have been together nearly everyday of your lives.

Why can't you both just talk about it and sort it between you?

I wasn't here the day it all kicked off, you know as Sonshine does that it would never have happened had I been here.
We wouldn't find ourselves in this mess had I been here.

It's all such a silly thing to have such a dramatic fallout over.
Don't think that I don't understand that you were scared that day.
You as well as your boyfriend and Sonshine played apart in what happened, but when have you ever seen Sonshine like that, so enraged that he lost control.

Sonshine, shouldn't have lost control like that and you know in your heart that I would have had a lot to say about the whole nastiness that ensued.

I can't however change what as happened and it is impossible for me to take sides.
Mainly because I can see it from all sides.

I miss you baby girl, so very terribly.
mug xx

Reminders of you.

This picture reminds me of you, my daughter.
Her graceful beauty, fine bone structure and far away look, all reminders of you.
I miss you so very much.
The waft of perfume as you pass.
Your mere presence within these walls.