The Reason For The Music

I don't know how to tell you what I feel.
Not usually at a loss for words, but then I never had this happen to me before.

I'm afraid to say some things for fear of making things worse than they already.
So because I still feel that I can't speak as freely as I want to, I have decided to use music and poetry.

There isn't a day goes by when you don't occupy my mind.
I have cried so many tears and tried so hard to get my point across to your brother.

Your both so bloody stubborn, so bloody alike.
Neither of you wanting to give way;
And me running around like a headless chick.

How do I know what to do?
Just because I'm Mum, it doesn't mean I have all the answers.

The fact is I see it from both sides and it has to come from you two.
But you both seem to think that if you make the first move, it's like you lost.

Lost what exactly, a stupid fight that went on for a year and didn't get resolved, then culminated in....well you know what happened that day.

I just still don't get how it was my fault.
I was over 400 miles away.
I couldn't have changed anything from where I was.

By the way I have tried and tried and tried to phone you, but you don't pick up and I have given up trying to get through. All i get is it ringing and ringing in my ear.
It's a cold empty sound that chills my very core and I can't cope with the rejection over and over again. It's like rubbing salt in my wounds.

I've said enough for now and am so teary right now, so very emotional, that I need to stop, but only for a while.

I miss you baby girl. I miss your voice, your bumping into things and dropping things,your giggle and your smell.

I love you
Mug xx